Decoding women speak

I’m not willing to speak for all women everywhere. I will, however, speak for some women somewhere. Communication is the key to good relationships. We keep hearing this over and over and over again. If communicating was that easy, we would have it down by now. There are books, and videos, seminars and webinars degrees and professions all focused on communicating effectively.

I’m not charging for this. I am providing free advice on decoding how some women speak and what she means when she says some things.

First and foremost, if she asks you to do something she wants it done right now. More than likely she thought it should have been done days ago but she was waiting on you to take the initiative and get it done. But you walked past the overflowing trash can, the pile of clothes, the sink full of dishes and the dirty car among a long list of other things. Since it appears that you can’t see the obvious, she has no choice but to ask you. Highlight this part, she wants you to do it now. Right now! Not later, definitely not tomorrow and if you wait until next week expect to sleep next to flannels. The exceptions to this are if she gives you a specific date, “will you do this tomorrow?”

If asked what you are doing later, this can be interpreted in one of two ways depending on if you are single or married. If you are single, it means she is free and you should ask her out on a date. If you are married, there is probably a honey do list coming next.

I don’t feel the need to address the, “do I look fat” or “does this make me look fat”, the answer is always an immediate no. Not to quick because then she will think you are lying but without too long of a pause cause that makes it seem as though you are contemplating. You never contemplate the fat questions.

If you are having a discussion and she says, “fine”, just know it’s not fine but she’s just tired of talking about it right now. She is putting a pin in it and will bring it back up later. Trust me on that one.

When she says she’s tired and has had a long day, that means I’m not cooking or preparing a meal. You are on your own. If you want to earn some points, have a meal prepared and rub her back. Do not rub her back with any ulterior motives. Just rub her back because you care.

If she says anything that ends in again then you should rethink what you just said. Are we going there again? Are you watching football again? Are we eating there again? Are you wearing that again?

Here is a pop quiz. What does she mean when she says she has nothing to wear?
If you guessed all of her friends or the group you are hanging with have already seen the clothes she is considering, you are correct. It doesn’t matter if she has a closet full of clothes and some with the tags on them. She wants something new. You can get away with wearing the same khakis and white shirt. She cannot wear the same dress over and over again. She just can’t. It’s in the women’s handbook that you don’t know exists.

If you take my advice on one thing, let it be the one about doing what she asks immediately. She will appreciate you for the next 5 hours. You know you need to renew her gratefulness on a regular basis. If you do several things at one time, they all expire at the same time. They do not roll over nor can you use them in succession.

Consider yourself in the know.

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