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The End?

Today is the last day of high school for my youngest child. Graduation is always an emotional time for me. It’s relief, it’s grief, it’s sadness, it’s joy.

I lost my mom in 2017. Every time my kids reach a milestone, I think of how proud she would have been. She loved seeing her grandchildren thrive and grow. She attended awards ceremonies and cheered them on in all of their endeavors. She would have been proud of my son.

Quick summary, I’m the mom of four humans. I stayed home with them for about ten years before tearfully returning to work after divorcing their dad.

Here we are. The last for the last.

I became a mother for the first time in 1999. Not that I’m ending motherhood, it just looks different, it feels different. I have enough of my own life that I don’t feel lost but beginning in the fall, the house will be quiet and still for extended periods of time not just the school day. beginning in the fall I won’t have kids to cook for or talk to.

It’s time to redefine me. Alicia.

What will I do in my free time? Because I know me, I will not sit around watching tv. I’ve considered pursuing a doctorate degree. At one point t I considered becoming a nurse.

A few weeks ago I meet with a team to discuss my real passion, postpartum support. As we talked, my vision turned into a plan that has developed into a business. The plan is to launch my company in the fall. So I’ll become a business owner. I’ll combine all of my passions, service, women, children, educations and community into one project to better serve those in need.

I’ll also attend as many of my son’s basketball games, he’s playing in college, as I possible.

Although the house will be empty my heart will still be full of the love I have for my children, my community and the guy I’m writing a book about.

Be light, be love, believe in yourself.

~ Alicia

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The Pillows

Once upon a time, but not too long ago, I lost a friend and began to live a life filled with grief. If you’ve ever grieved over someone of something then you know there of various widths, lengths and depths to grief.

Some days I felt as though I was living my life under water. I wasn’t drowning but I wasn’t moving at my normal pace. I invited grief in and even welcomed mourning. I’ve learned not to fight my emotions when it comes to losing someone I love.

I wasn’t counting the days, months or hours. Some days I existed and other days I lived. But, everyday was another day for me to heal and move forward and accept that our last conversation was our last conversation.

One day, not too long ago, I was walking through a store and saw a beautiful throw pillow. I picked it up and knew that it was coming home with me. I purchased two complimentary yellow pillows and breathed a deep sigh and smiled. Months and months prior, I needed new accessories for my bathroom and gravitated toward black. The colors represented my state of existence.

While driving home, I was talking to my friend Yvonne about the pillows and how I believed I was at the end of my mourning. She’s always encouraging and supportive. We all need a Yvonne in our lives.

The pillows are on my sofa. They are the first thing I see when I leave my room. Those pillows brighten my day and bring me joy.

Although I still miss my friend, I recognize that I’m healed enough to brighten my space and continue to live life in full technicolor.

Here is my my hope for you, if you are grieving that you continue to live and when you reach the end of grief, you find something or someone who reminds you that you have more life to live.

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Titus Creative Solutions

I started my own company last year, Titus Creative Solutions.

The name, Titus, is my mother’s maiden name and the middle name of my third child. I wanted something that connected me to my past, present and future.

What will I offer? Do I have to narrow that down?

Do I have a website? Uhhh no… but I have talent and determination.

According to something I read on Twitter, I only need to have an idea and start marketing that idea then the website and everything else will come.

So back to what I offer. Here is the list:

*Microsoft Software training including Word, PowerPoint, Excel, and Outlook

*Professional Coaching

*Editing your documents or presentations

*Producer during your online meetings

*Observing your presentation and providing feedback

What are my qualifications? I have over 15 years in the training and employee development industry. I am newish to coaching. It is something I have been doing for friends for years but just made it official by taking a 6-month long class. I have a master’s degree in education (MEd). The official title is Applied Technology Performance Improvement.

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Bedtime Stories for My Daughter – I did it for him; He did it for me

Now I understand.

I was standing in my kitchen today, May 3, 2021 when the thought occurred to me that it’s been almost five years since I was in the throes of a custody battle. I wanted to take my youngest two kids out of the charter school they had grown to hate. Their dad wanted them to remain. We both had valid reasons. In the end, I prevailed.

I was fighting to get some help for my son. He hadn’t passed a single standardized test. They told me not to worry about it. But I did worry and wanted to move them because I needed someone to acknowledge my concerns and develop a plan. Thankfully, public schools are legally obligated to address the needs of every child.

Now, he is a straight A student who no longer just tolerates school.

But today, two days after winning our local school board election, I realized, He did it for me.

The move to this town and house was divine. I didn’t want to live here but I listened. I followed the still soft voice. Following that voice brought me here. To this day. To the moment of filling out the application to run. Then I won.

I moved here for my son.

I was moved here for something bigger.

Night night punkin

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Bedtime stories for my daughter: Birds

It has been said, “The early bird gets the worm.”

I say to you, “The late owl gets the rodent.”

The initial phrase was coined to encourage getting up early as a measure of success. I can see that being the case in an agricultural environment.

We moved from agriculture to manufacturing to technology where time is fluid, electricity is plentiful and success is no longer measured by how early you rise.

I will continue to be the bird. You continue being the owl. I’ll see you before the sun rises.

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Bedtime stories for my daughter- Draw my hand

I took a short break from bedtime stories while my daughter was home from college. Now that she has returned, I’ll recommence.

The year was 2004 and it was an election year. The two kiddos were attending a mom’s day out and the mom was working there for the free tuition. She was willing to do that for her children. The already strained budget would not allow any additional expenses.

The mom had hoped her children would be prepared for school. She had already taught the oldest to read, some writing skills and basic math. But a three day learning program was also an opportunity for her to get out of the house, teach other children and bring in a bit of income.

That year, the two year old daughter was excelling in one particular skill. She could place her hand in any condiment and create a perfect hand print on her napkin. She did this so often the parents were confused and not at all amused.

They went as a family of four to vote. The mom and the five year old son had an impromptu civic lesson. At the same time, in an adjoining booth, the dad and the two year old daughter were having a disagreement.

As he held her in his arms, he began to fill out his paper ballot. She, seeing the paper and pencil emphatically stated, “Draw my hand!” He immediately replied, “No!” They went back and forth a couple of times until finally out of frustration and realizing the lack of understanding, she provided him with additional instructions.

“Daddy, you take that paper and that pencil and you draw my hand!” He refused and she was upset.

At the end of the Mom’s Day Out school year, the families received a book filled with a variety of hand prints and drawings from their child. It was definitely an aha moment. It all made sense.

Rumor has it, she is still trying to tell her father what to do and he is still saying, no.

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Toilet Paper

Let me start off by saying, this post has nothing to do with hoarding toilet paper but everything to do with change.

Sometimes my daughter shares my bathroom. I don’t discourage her, sharing one bathroom with her three brothers has to be an experience. I have two older brothers. For as long as I can remember, I had my own bathroom.

One day last week, she changed out the tp roll. No big deal right? You’d rather have a new roll than one lonely sheet hanging onto an otherwise empty cardboard cylinder, right?

Well, this is where things get a little complicated. This is when I began having conversations with myself. I think you know what happened. She didn’t put the roll on the way I usually do.

The way I see it, I had a few options.

  • I could talk to her about her mistake and lecture her on the right and wrong way to place toilet paper
  • I could ban her from my bathroom
  • I could change the tp back to the way I was accustomed (but she might make the same mistake again if I don’t say something)
  • I leave it alone and deal with why I was uncomfortable

I chose to leave it as it was placed.

On one of Oprah’s talk shows, she discussed toilet tissue placement on the roll. After expressing her preference, members of the audience informed her the bathrooms in the studio were opposite. She immediately had them changed. I get it. We like what makes us comfortable.

I like to embrace change. I enjoy pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I truly embrace Go With the Flow. I also encourage it with my kids and others around me.

Change is difficult. It’s can be scary or even upsetting. But change is necessary at times.

How do you handle change?