The List

She walked down the driveway towards her mailbox. The sun was peaking from behind the clouds. There was a slight breeze that moved the leaves on the oak tree.  A couple of blocks over someone was mowing their lawn. A few of the neighborhood kids were laughing and talking as they threw a football to each other. It was the end of a normal day but the beginning something unexpected. 

As she contemplated her day her lips curved into a slight lopsided grin. She always had the same smile when she accomplished her tasks for the day. She felt good about herself. She felt accomplished. Today she managed to cross off every single item on her list. She admitted to herself that she was slightly neurotic about her daily list. She planned her days carefully starting the night before. She read over and over again, “Successful people are organized. Successful people make lists.” Her list was on her phone. She found an app that made it easy to see the lists from previous days. From those lists, meetings on her calendar and todos provided by her manages, she composed her nightly list. Sometimes it took over an hour to determine the seven items then to rank them in order of importance. Neurotic but efficient. According to the books she read she was successful. Her system worked. 

She arrived to the mailbox at the same time as her neighbor. She broke away from her mental celebration to say hello. As she pulled out the mail and began to flip through she noticed a purple envelope. It was addressed to her but was void of a return address. She mentally went through her calendar. Was somebody getting married? Was this an invitation to a party? She tried, in vain, to to recall what event was coming up that would explain why someone would send her something in a lovely purple envelope. Her name and address were hand written in calligraphy. Something formal. She got excited at the thought of buying a new dress. 

As soon as she walked in the house she performed her regular routine of hanging up her keys placing her handbag on a hook and sliding off her pumps exchanging them for comfortable socks. As she sunk into her sofa cushions she held the purple envelope on her hands. She opened the envelope still thinking about the possibility of a new ensemble. What she read confused her instead of providing excitement. 

Dear Sofia;

Beginning at 9 pm on this day, you will have 48 hours to compose a list of twelve things you want to accomplish. As each item is completed you are expected to check that items off of your list. Enclosed you will find a check for $100,000. When those 48 hours expire, your life will end. 

She wept

It was her right as a woman in control of her body
It was her future
It was her choice
It was her present
It was her wrong she just didn’t know it at the time
She wept
She would join a sorority with an unwritten roster
She would not have monetary dues
She would pay and collect in tears and heartache
She would know many years of regret
She wept
Who knew she would mourn
Who knew she would subconsciously count the years
Who knew of her ever present fears
Who knew it wasn’t a topic to ever discuss
Who knew the sisterhood would not offer support
She wept
She was not alone yet nobody was there as she wept
If it was so right then why wasn’t it talked about amongst girlfriends like shoes and hysterectomies
Why wasn’t there a t-shirt or a walk to raise money for awareness?
Why isn’t there a scholaship fund for the less fortunate
Why wasn’t there a support group for the nights she wept
Why didn’t somebody warn her of the shame
She wept
She wept for the life she would never know
She wept for lies she was told
She wept for the future of one she would never hold
She wept for she was full of regret
She wept because there was not a soul that could feel her pain
She wept because there were 56 million other women like her just with different names
She wept
She wept
She wept

After the Ball

once upon a time…
life is not a fairytale
i didn’t wake up like this
this look took hundreds of dollars in make up and clothes
be in awe of my efforts
the ball gown?
that was for one night
tonight is flannel pajamas
yes i have bags under my eyes
the crows feet become more evident every year
it’s called concealer
the only time you know its there is in bad photos
my hair?
which hair are you speaking of?
i have wigs and pieces and clip ins
no, i will stay up with you past midnight dancing the night away
i’m tired
you like my hour glass figure?
what is life without corsettes and spanx?
i’m not the person you fell in love with!
of course i am
i am still the same on the inside
i deceived you?
i convinced you
i am Cinderella but everyday isn’t a ball

I can’t help but wonder

I was reading an article about Meatless Mondays that is being “forced” on students in public schools. The article states animal rights activists are behind this movement. They are talking to students about the earth, the animals and what eating meat does to both.
Read the article here: http://news.yahoo.com/public-schools-forcibly-subject-students-meatless-monday-activism-021822637.html

I don’t have a problem with Meatless Mondays or Fish only Fridays. But I do wonder what life would look like if everybody minded their own business. What would the world look like if you were allowed to worship, eat, marry, learn, teach, dress they way you wanted to. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand we need rules and laws. I don’t support abuse of humans or cruelty to animals. Hhmmm I guess that’s the thing, my definition of abuse to animals is not the same as an animal rights activist’s view on abuse. Where is the common ground? If you don’t believe in eating meat then by all means, don’t eat meat. If you don’t want to wear clothes at the beach, there are places designated for that. If you dont’ want to worship a God then don’t go to church. If you don’t appreciate emissions from cars then walk. If you want to feed your children fast food every night and never give them a vegetable, I’m good with that as well. How much of life are we going to regulate, manipulate, and dictate?

Is it our duty as a society to push our agenda on others? Why do we insist on others living the way we live? Why must other’s worship your God? Let me throw this out here, how different is the ISIS from the Christian Crusades? How many lost their lives in the effort to advance the kingdom?

If I don’t vote the way you think I should, why can’t we still be friends? Why must we insult other people who vote, live and think differently? Why can’t I embrace your way of life and you embrace mine.

Again, I understand we need laws to deter crime. But we have a lot of laws on the books now and there is still quite a bit of crime going on daily. Is it because we don’t have enough laws? Is it because the thought of sitting in prison for life is not a deterrent? Perhaps it’s because we don’t love enough. If we put our differences aside and I look at you as a fellow human on this journey of life together and accept you where you are the way you are, would the heaviness of life appear a little lighter? If you could go to a neighbor and say, I am having a bad day and need to leave my kids with you for a day and not fear the state taking them away, would more children live or not experience abuse? If you could say to your partner, I need a break from you and have the option of taking a break, would more marriages survive? If a teen could say to a parent, teacher, friend, counselor I am having a tough time and have thoughts of committing suicide or killing people in mass and receive help instead of judgement or isolation, would they reach out?

I don’t have answers but I do have a lot of questions.

Meatless Mondays… Per the article, if you don’t support meatless Mondays, pack your kids a lunch. Don’t get me started on the number of kids that don’t have food at home to pack. That’s another topic for another day.

Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes I cry out of frustration
Other times I cry because my heart is hurting
Then there are the times I cry and laugh
Today I cried because it was time to say good-bye
I cry when life gets overwhelming
I often hear people say, “you are strong”
I’m only strong because I allow myself to cry
It’s the external manifestation of my current internal situation
The tears come when the numbers on the  barometer that measures the atmospheric pressure of my soul gets to high
Numerically speaking, when you multiply responsibility by tension then add negative relations
You get frustration
When frustration is divided by demands
It equals life
And life, in terms of numbers, is prime
When you divide it by its self, you only get one
At times I cry because some days, during this 1 life that I live, are filled with sorrow
But I will take this life and not covet any other
Because this life allows me to cry
If water is cleansing and refreshing
Then my tears cleanse my soul and refresh my spirit
Just a while ago, I said farewell to somebody who was dear to me
Today, was a day that I cried

and it was good

In the beginning:

There were long conversations and lots of laughter

and it was good

Guarded shows of affection

and it was good

Compliments abounded

and it was good

Seeds of hope were planted

and it was good

Today was lived and tomorrow was planned

and it was good

Anticipation of time together mixed with sorrow of time a part

and it was good

The question was asked and I dos said

and it was good

Life changed as children were born

and it was good

Living life and facing trials together

and it was good

Working towards the common goals

and it was good

Reminiscing of times past

and it was good

Nearing the end with your friend

and realizing life was good

 

 

 

All

What do you give the person who has everything but still complains?

Perhaps a mirror so they can see themselves
Maybe a recording device so they can listen to themselves whine
How about a crystal ball so they can see the future is bright
How about a trip to a third world country
Or a peek into the room of a single person who is feeling alone and depressed
A visit to a cancer patient who is in the midst of their fight?
A view of a struggling parent who is sleeping in the car but trying to keep the family together?
A copy of the bank account of someone who is living the real struggle of making ends meet
What do you give the person who has it all except contentment?
Give them the hand or leg of a soldier that had it removed after fighting in a war
Give them that last breath of the one you love
Sell them the soul of the lost
The strength of the weak
The hope of hopeless
They already own those…
I know, provide them with a backhand slap
Shake them out of their self-pity
If you’d like, you can give them a hug
Me, I will give them nothing more than this post
You have it all
What more do you want?