“Tell me about yourself.”

In the world of online dating this is one of the questions I see at the beginning of the conversations, “Tell me about yourself.” I’m usually at a loss as to what to say. I ask myself and often write back, “Do you want my one minute elevator speech?” I know they don’t want that but where should I start? If I lead with, “I’m the mother of four children” I’m almost assured that’s the end of the inquiry. 

It’s a valid question. Here is my new standard answer:

I am a woman. With womanhood comes a multitude of experiences, feelings/emotions and opportunities. I walk with Love. I have loved deeply yet have been shallow. I am intelligent. I can be kind. I have been cruel. I was the conduit by which four lives have been realized. I nurture. I provide comfort and care. I am sensual. I am light. I give hope. I shed tears. I laugh out loud. I can mold a lump of dough into bread. I am a place to lay a weary head. I am woman. I am joy and peace. I am now. I was yesterday. I hope to be tomorrow. I am the stuff dreams are made of. I am some of what you need. I am some of what you want. I am some of what you never knew to dream. I am the sum total of my life experience. I am not the total package. I am who I am. I am woman. 

Her

I’ve known her for a long time

No matter how much I try 

I don’t like her

When I see her walk in a room

I cringe; I frown

“Did you really wear that today?”

“Look at your hair.”

Everybody seems to like her

She smiles with her eyes

She lives a carefree life

I’m jealous

Her life reminds me of my pain

Her dreams are ones I never dared dream

Her friendships are deeper

The way she loves is meaningful

I’m worthless

I never had the opportunities

I was afraid to believe

I picked my path

When I see her I don’t see me

I wanted to be a wife

I would like to live her life

I’m hurting

I refuse to hug her

Not one word of praise

If I loved her she might think she’s better than me

I’m withdrawn

Everything I’m not is in her

Places I would like to go she’s been

I will not acknowledge her accomplishments 

I will point out her flaws

If I can make her doubt 

I’ll feel better

“Your children are high maintenance”

“How dare you breastfeed your child in my presence?”

I will neglect her

I will not protect her

I’m helpless

I didn’t have a protector

Nobody loved me

I refuse to love her

I’m lost

“You act like your father and he was nothing.”

When I see her

When I hear her

When I think of her

I’m left wanting

She calls me a name 

The one that cuts me deep

It’s a constant reminder

I glare at her as she begins to speak

“Mom…”

The Colors She Wore

She was beautiful from a distance
She was stunning up close
Her eyes told her story
Her words revealed her heart
She was like none other
She never unintentionally blended into a crowd
The colors she wore told her story outloud
Red made her feel powerful
It gave her life
It hid her pain
Red on her lips or that little red dress
Power and life were the crowns in that story
Blue was the color she wore to disappear
She blended into the sea of people
She faded into the backdrop of the sky
Blue meant she needed time to herself
Blue was reflection
Her color of undetection
Her wardrobe consisted of black as well
It wasn’t for the illusion of being thin
She wore it to be more corporate
She wore it to be received well
It was not her color for going out on the town
That was to common and if you know her, you know she’s not common
Beautiful combination that told her truth
She wore vibrant colors to express her mood
Green or coral, magenta or ecru
Browns made her feel earthy and real
One with nature and mankind
She felt like deep breathes and world peace
Green was her color to represent new and fresh
She channeled mother earth
Together they would give birth to ideas and philosophies
They would embrace the circle of life
Whatever the color she was talking to you
She was sharing her right now
Her inner thoughts and feelings
She was telling you her story by the colors she wore

I’m Better Than That

This is Random Chic.

She may not have been born by the river but she’s cried a river of tears. 

She didn’t create laughter but she loves it like its her own. 

She did not give birth to love but she unconditionally loves the four she gave birth to.

She is who she is today but not who she was yesterday. 

(It’s not G like most of my postings. There is one word)

I hope you enjoy.

She wept

It was her right as a woman in control of her body
It was her future
It was her choice
It was her present
It was her wrong she just didn’t know it at the time
She wept
She would join a sorority with an unwritten roster
She would not have monetary dues
She would pay and collect in tears and heartache
She would know many years of regret
She wept
Who knew she would mourn
Who knew she would subconsciously count the years
Who knew of her ever present fears
Who knew it wasn’t a topic to ever discuss
Who knew the sisterhood would not offer support
She wept
She was not alone yet nobody was there as she wept
If it was so right then why wasn’t it talked about amongst girlfriends like shoes and hysterectomies
Why wasn’t there a t-shirt or a walk to raise money for awareness?
Why isn’t there a scholaship fund for the less fortunate
Why wasn’t there a support group for the nights she wept
Why didn’t somebody warn her of the shame
She wept
She wept for the life she would never know
She wept for lies she was told
She wept for the future of one she would never hold
She wept for she was full of regret
She wept because there was not a soul that could feel her pain
She wept because there were 56 million other women like her just with different names
She wept
She wept
She wept

Gin and Tonic

Gin and tonic
Tonic and gin
You have quite the reputation
They said you make people sin
I heard a guy say something
I’m not sure what it meant
He said you would help a man get in
So now you have people?
Are you handing out passes?
Is it only to those with highball glasses?
Hangovers, hangouts, hang ups and hang downs
What kind of people are you hanging around?
Chose your friends carefully
You’re building quite the reputation
That girl who fell down the stairs
Called you, gin, her only liberation
Was she being held captive?
Did you really set her free?
Or did you capture her when she was weak
Gin and tonic
Tonic and gin
The friendship that just won’t end
You are strong
You provide courage
But it’s only for while
Then life, that was out of focus
Comes back without the hocus pocus
Friend of no one
Loved by many
At the end of the day
A headache and regrets is what awaits

Hear ye hear ye 

it’s national poetry writing month. The goal is to write a poem a day. I’m not sure I can commit to that but I will write more than usual. 

I suddenly become aware of the silence

Ssshhhhh 

Listen

Now my mind is racing

My heart is pumping

What’s going on?

It’s too quiet

I walk cautiously through the house

Every step takes me closer to the unknown

As I peer around the corner, I see them

One is sitting on the counter

The other is sitting on the floor

They were finally successful

After many foiled attempts

They got into the cookie jar

— I will call this one, Toddlers—

National Poetry Writing Month