Tag Archives: life lessons

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The Enabler vs The Supporter

What is the difference between a person who enables and one who supports? Can they be one in the same? When I think of an enabler, I immediately have a negative connotation. I haven’t done any official research but in my mind and experience, enabler goes hand in hand with someone who helps another person with bad habits. Supporter is someone who is there for you and assists with getting you through a tough time. But again I ask, can they be one in the same at the same time?

Push through, ride it out the other side is victory
Let it ride, take a break, what difference will one more make
You can do it! I believe in you
I understand you don’t have it in your right now
You have been through a lot, keep your head up, you can do this
You have been through a lot, nobody expects you to exceed at everything
Life is hard but tomorrow is a new day
I know it’s not easy why don’t you take a break

It seems we need both in our lives depending on the situation. Sometimes we need someone to hold our hands and look the other way when we are not at our best and cannot find the energy to go on. Other times we need a relentless person in our lives that will push or pull us towards the goal.

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Life isn’t fair, is it?

For a few months, the stud would remind us all that, “life isn’t fair.” I must admit I was concerned when he started kindergarten that I would get a note from the teacher telling us he told her and the students that, “life isn’t fair.” One day the two youngest were playing basketball with an imaginary ball and goal. The stud had the “ball” and the little dude was guarding him. Stud kept dribbling and wouldn’t shoot the ball. Little dude got frustrated and said, “that’s not fair, you need to shoot the ball so I can rebound it.” Stud muffin stopped dribbling, looked at me, and said, “life isn’t fair is it momma?” My response was and still is, “no baby, life isn’t fair.”
I love the school my children attend. The are at a local charter school. Charter schools are free schools but not governed by the local school district. One of the many things I love about the school is Business Day. The students who are in second thru fifth grade are encouraged to participate. They develop a business plan, rent a space, fill out a form that explains their business, competition, how they will market their business, who their customers are and how much they will charge for their product or services. Over the last two and a half years we have seen some pretty amazing and some not so amazing businesses. I help my children decide what to sell. We have determined the best customers are the kindergarteners, they will buy anything that is sweet, a sticker or a tattoo. The money they use is money earned from their jobs and good deeds throughout the semester. Yes, every student is assigned a job at the beginning of the year. They have a payday folder where they keep up with debits and credits. They pay the teacher for rule infractions.
Mid year, some parents complained to the president of the PTA and the headmaster about how unfair the business day was because some parents were obviously assisting their children and some were spending lots of money on material and supplies. They were basically crying out, “that’s not fair!” Hello!!! Life isn’t fair. Ultimately the rules were changed and now all student are supposed to make their wares by themselves and not spend any more than $10 for the supplies.
My personal opinion is you are sending the wrong message to your children. Life really isn’t fair or equal and everybody is not a winner. Let that soak in for a moment.
Everybody doesn’t get into the college of their choice. Everybody won’t marry Denzel, Taylor, Brad, Oprah, Justin, Demi, Chris, Jada or Selena. Everybody won’t buy a house and even if they do, they may not have the biggest house in the neighborhood. Have you seen the statistics for the number of college athletes who will actually play professional sports? Everybody can’t get into our school because there is a waiting list. When a job is posted in my department, we receive hundreds of resumes. Only one person gets the job. Life isn’t fair!
The sooner we understand this and begin teaching this to our children, the sooner they can wrap their heads around competition, doing your best and encouraging your friends. I understand the parents were saying the school should level the playing field this providing their child with a better opportunity to succeed. Well, is that fair? Should the playing field be leveled? Should all the children have the same opportunities? I thought the point of the whole exercise was to teach the children about small businesses and how to run your own company. In the real world of business, lots of people start companies but not all of them are successful. Some people do have financial backing and others do not. Some have great marketing teams and other do not.
At what point do we accept the life isn’t fair but chose to live our best lives anyway?

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Sticks and Stones

I’m sure you are familiar with the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” By a show of hands, how many of us know this is not true? The words do hurt and bruise and scar. The wounds go deep. Unlike a topical bruise, you can’t see the progression of the healing. You can’t bandage it or kiss it to make it better.
Will you accept a challenge from me? I challenge you to give a meaningful compliment or say a kind word to one person a day for the next 7 days. Then do the same for two people for the following 7 days.
Say you are sorry when you hurt someone with your words. Say it with meaning. Then try your very best not to hurt them again.

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As my honeygirl contemplates divorce

One day, not too long ago, my honeygirl asked a question. She asked, “if God knows everything then why did he allow you to get married knowing you would get a divorce?”
What would you say to that? How would you answer that question for a ten year old?
I answered her but I wonder what you would say.

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Questions

If you are of the faith that believes there is a heaven and hell once this life is over, I have questions for you. Is there a get into heaven free card when you die a tragic death? No matter your previous choice to believe or not, whether you wanted to be reincarnated or just wanted it all to end at the end. Do you make the list to get into heaven depending on how you die?

I ask these question because of posts on Facebook, the media and other conversations I have heard or had concerning recent tragedies. Everybody assumes the people who were victims of the senseless tragedies all went to heaven. Dare I say it is presumptuous of us to think the adults all wanted to go to heaven or the families of the children want them in heaven. Are the assumptions more about comforting those of us who are here and needing reassurance they are in a better place? Is this thought a  disregard of other faiths as a result of arrogance? Or is it simply our default way of thinking and reacting?

I am sure there wasn’t any malicious intent. However, there doesn’t appear to have been the conscious acknowledgment that maybe, just maybe they wanted a different choice for their afterlife.