Random thoughts

I haven’t written anything on here in a while. I’ve been struggling with pulling my thoughts together and staying focused on one topic. But my mind is cluttered with a variety of things and happenings so I decided to just share some thoughts that will actually make sense or not by the end. 

The year was 2006, I was newly pregnant with my fourth baby and had not made the announcement to friends and family. I had a nursing infant and as the office staff of my OBGYN had indicated on my folder,  I was “advanced maternal age.” My then dear husband, the three kids and I were visiting with a pastor, his wife and they’re gaggle of kids. I realized during the visit this was an interview or recruiting session for me. My dear ex husband wanted to join this church (read cultlike body of believers) and this dinner with them was his way of convincing me this was the way to go. 

One of the rules of their church was the children were watched or monitored at all times. This was done to keep them from sinning. Because we all know that you can’t sin with your parents or church elders watching. (Have you ever had an inappropriate thought?) 

Some time during this visit the mother came to us to apologize for her young daughter’s actions. The little girl had given my 6 year old son a note stating she wanted French kiss him. The parents were extremely embarrassed. The kicker to me was the apology offered by the mother. She said if she had been in the room with the kids this would have never happened. She blamed herself because it was her duty to watch her children and keep them from sinning or behaving inappropriately. 

I knew right then that I was not joining this church and as far as I was concerned these people were nuts. I grew up with a single mom with zero adult supervision. It’s a wonder I survived. I hoping to achieved a happy medium with my kids. 

Have you heard of, glanced at or dared to read on of the many articles about millennials leaving the church? Every single article I’ve ever read places the blame on the church. Have you ever heard the phrase, employees leave managers not companies? Okay… stay with me. What if they aren’t leaving the church but leaving their hypocritical parents? Hang on… The children are the witnesses to what their parents are living and doing when they aren’t at church. They hear the conversations and see the truth day in and out. They hear the arguing, gossiping, racist comments and other words that don’t align with the pretense shown on Sundays and in life groups or Bible study.   They know the truth. Perhaps they are choosing to live an authentic or at least alternate life that is not encouraged at church. 

When I was upset with the ex, I still sat next to him at church. Eventually, I sat on the other side of the room. I stopped pretending for the sake of others. It felt good to me but I’m sure it was awkward for people who asked me where he was and me telling the truth. I didn’t want to sit next to him. 

I don’t know where that couple or their children are today. But I’ve spoken with other children who lived under similar conditions or saw through the religious sham and not only walked away from the beliefs of their childhood, they walked away from relationships and some from their parents as well. Marriage? No thank you. They saw the lie their parents lived. Pray. No. They didn’t see any positive results as children. Read, worship, attend church? No, no and no. 

 What do you think? Are children leaving the church or are they leaving their parents?

The power of 1

All it took was 1 deity to speak and light was
All it took was 1 act and paradise was lost
All it took was 1 look and a pillar of salt was made
All it took was 1 promise and a nation was birthed
All it took was 1 burning bush and a nation was saved
All it took was 1 rock and a giant fell
All it took was 1 virgin and a savior was birthed
All it took was 1 cross and we can be saved
All it takes is 1 person to pass the good news
All it takes is 1 person to hear
All it takes is 1 person to believe
All it takes is 1

Sacrificial Love

I was talking to someone and they were saying they believe love is measured in sacrifice, the more you sacrifice the more you love and the more you love the more you will sacrifice. I am not sure that I completely agree with that thought. Sacrifice alone is not enough. If your words and actions don’t align with your sacrifice then you still end up at zero.

Does love spill over from one day to the other? Is love renewed and proven on a daily basis?

When I was married I honestly thought if I said I love you today then you should just assume I still love you tomorrow unless I said something different. I now realize some people need more. There is nothing wrong with showing, saying and sacrificing on a daily basis to confirm your commitment and love to those in your life.

There really is not a greater love than to lay down you life, agenda, pride, fear, guilt, preferences or plans for another.

A little bit of love goes a long way. I little bit of inconsideration goes further. Forgiveness bridges the gap between the two.

What is your value?

Tree in a DC park

I’m sure you have heard the quote, “if a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Wikipedia has lots of information about the saying if you are interested in the original intent but for the rest of you, keep reading.

As I think about this quote, I can’t help but to wonder, if you are skilled, talented, loving, smart, strong, respectable, artistic, etc. and nobody recognizes them, do those qualities still exist in you? Do our gifts and talents require acknowledgement before they are considered authentic?

We all know the tree does make a sound. But if there isn’t somebody there to hear the tree and verify it made a sound then I guess you could argue there isn’t any proof there was a sound.

Along those same lines, it seems we were created with a need to have affirmations and confirmations. It’s all together possible that we could have been created self-reliant. Sometimes we try to pretend we don’t need a touch or kind word but we do need those words and those actions. Some training classes I have attended in the past had the students write down words of affirmation. The instructor would encourage us to write the words on a note card and tape them to our mirror. Saying those phrases out loud each morning was deemed the next step towards success in the workplace or personally.

In the movie The Help, I am touched every time the maid says to the daughter of her employer, “you is kind, you is smart, you is important.” The maid was trying to counteract the actions or rather inactions of the child’s mother. She understood human value and the potential impact on the child if she didn’t tell her those words.

If you haven’t heard it lately, I am declaring with all honesty and sincerity, you are smarter that you give yourself credit. You are creative. You have everything inside of you today to become the person you want to become tomorrow. You are worthy of love, honor and respect.

Wax on…wax off

Wax on, wax off…these four little words have been on my mind daily for over a week. Does that ever happen to you? You get something stuck in your head and you don’t know why. I’m not talking about songs you hear like the Diamonds by Rihanna that my dear friend Fraulein Von Prude and I would torture each other with. I am talking about a word or phrase that drops in your mind for no good reason or so it seems.
I remember watching the original Karate Kid and I watched the newest version with the Fantastic4 last year. I can’t say that I remember a whole lot of detail about either movie but this quote keeps popping up in my mind. I did what I do when this happens to me, I contemplated what it means to me and mine. Then, I top that with some research to determine the true or implied meaning.
See the video here.
I could go into a long monologue about doing the small things consistently and diligently will lead to a greater reward. I could talk about the importance of following directions. I could tie this into being a good mentor or teacher. I could even reference my own life as both the teacher and the student. But I won’t. Instead I will talk more about listening to your inner voice. It’s the one that gives you ideas or inspiration. For me it also provides direction, poetry and blog ideas.
When these words pop into my head and won’t leave, I know I need to stop and take a look at my life. I see this as an opportunity to grow and develop personally. Wax on… wax off, I can’t say that I have a full understanding of how this applies to me right now but I do know I will keep contemplating until I understand how it applies to my life today or in the near future.

A Box of Chocolates

My momma always said, “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” – Forrest Gump
I can remember every year around Christmas time my mom would have a box of Sees chocolates sitting around. Back then, they didn’t provide you with an easy to follow illustration that helped you determine the type of filling. I did what some of you did, I bit a tiny piece off of bottom of the candy until I found one I liked. You know the routine, you bite one and if it’s not what you were looking for then you put it back.
Although the original intent of this post was to bring back a fond memory, I feel compelled to ask, is this how we treat relationships today? Take a sample, then put it back when we realize it wasn’t what we wanted. The chocolate that is left in the box is now incomplete and not as desirable to the next person. If you were the next person, how did you get past the incompleteness of the chocolate? Maybe it’s not that big of a deal. Maybe…

As my honeygirl contemplates divorce

One day, not too long ago, my honeygirl asked a question. She asked, “if God knows everything then why did he allow you to get married knowing you would get a divorce?”
What would you say to that? How would you answer that question for a ten year old?
I answered her but I wonder what you would say.