Are you the main squeeze?

I went to a very nice place on Friday with some friends. One side of the place was an upscale restaurant and the other side was an upscale bar. As we walked in, one of the men in the group said, wives to the left, other women to the right. I didn’t catch on to what he said immediately but after he repeated it, I understood. You see, he was saying that husbands bring their wives to this place and take them to dinner in the restaurant section. Now, the bar wasn’t your typical neighborhood bar, it has a cigar room, the waiters and waitresses are dressed nicely, they give you warm towels and a lemon before bringing your food and they provide you with white linen napkins but it’s still to the right.
We laughed about his statement and then of course I knew I had a write a blog about that conversation. Now fellas, I am talking to the ladies. You can continue to read and you can comment but this one is not for you.

Alright ladies, it has happened to all of us at one time or another. You are dating a guy. He treats you the way you want to be treated. You have told your girlfriends about him and you may have even introduced him to friends and family. You consider him your man. Let me tell you how you know he’s not exclusively your man and you are not his main squeeze which means you are not his number one babe.

Does he consistently take you to the bar? I was doing that online dating thing and one guy kept inviting me out on dates to bars. Granted, some of the places were restaurant with bars but we always went to the bar section. After the third or fourth date I told him I like eating at restaurants and did not want to go to another bar. He invited me to one of my favorite restaurants and guess what? We sat at the bar. That was our last date. He received a Dear John text after that.

Are the only relatives you meet counting their last breaths or the ones the family has disowned?
He’s trying to make you feel like you are special but if you don’t meet the healthy relatives and the ones who get invited to family functions, you are not the main boo.

Speaking of family functions, if you have never been invited to one that means you are not the main one. Even if his family lives out of town, planes, trains and automobiles can get you to them. If you mean something to him, he will want to share you with his family.

He doesn’t allow you to come to his house or never invites you in his house. Do you know how much work it takes to remove pictures and feminine touches in a house? If he doesn’t let you in, there is somebody living there. I don’t care what he says, it’s not his sister, mother, aunt or cousin. It’s his honey and he is not allowing you in her house. Have you heard the saying, “Hell has no fury like a woman scorned?” He does not want to make her mad. Instead, he will take you to another bar.

Does he say he is active in his religion but never invites you to worship with him? He may come with you periodically but you have never been with him? No, you are not the girlfriend.

For my college ladies, if you are dating an athlete and he never invites you to see him play or if he is in a fraternity and he avoids you the night of the after party then you are not his college sweetheart.

He has limited availability. If he only calls you from the car, never between certain hours and hardly ever on the weekends it’s because he is with his wife and kids or number one woman which is not you.

If he puts distance between you when you are in public. He makes excuses not to hold your hand in or doesn’t walk beside you because he “just walks fast” then walk faster or face the reality.

I know if you are in the situation it’s hard to face the realities but there is someone out there that will take you to the left side of the restaurant, introduce you to his family and hold your hand in public.

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The cowardly lion

I am not sure who to give credit to for the picture.

I am not sure who to give credit to for the picture. From the Wizard of Oz.

I hope at some point in time you have seen the Wizard of Oz. If not, please add it to your list of movies to see. My focus is on the cowardly lion. We know is nature, the lion represents the king of beasts. He is supposed to be the big man on campus. He gets the big piece of chicken. He gets the honor at the head of the table because of his courage and willingness to sacrifice his life for his pride. At any point during the day, he could run into another lion who wants to challenge him and take over his pride. His job is take on the challenge and win. The lion has a sense of duty, honor and country (pride) that seems to be missing today in some.
I have a friend who graduated from West Point many moons ago. I had the privilege of attending the ceremony. I remember seeing the words Duty, Honor, Country and they were forever engrained in my memory. At West Point they are holding to a tradition that used to be common in our households.

Photo credit: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire

Photo credit: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire

Duty- expected by moral or legal obligation, action or task required by a person’s position, an act or expression of respect
Honor- honesty, fairness or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions
Country (pride or family)- state, nation, land of one’s birth (taking creative liberty- the people you have promised to love, honor and respect or who you should feel an obligation towards due to their status in your life)
Back to the Wizard of Oz, the cowardly lion was going to see the wizard because he lacked courage. He doesn’t stand up when he’s afraid, he cowers and hides. We all have time in our lives when we want to run and hide. But, I am saying to you don’t give in to the fear, especially when it comes to your country (pride or family and your really good friends). Face the situation head on, dig deep within you and give out the biggest roar you can muster. If that doesn’t work, let the battle ensue. But, it’s better to stand for and represent duty, honor and country than to cower and run. The battle doesn’t have to be a physical battle. It may be a mental, verbal or prayerful battle. The battle is not always against someONE it could be someTHING.
(Spoiler alert!)As they discovered at the end of the journey to Oz, it was always there. He always had courage, he just didn’t recognize it in himself. Recognize the courage in yourself. Be ready to take a stand when it’s required. Other wise, enjoy the big piece of chicken you earned because you are proven and willing.

If I could, I would

If I could love you through your heart ache I would
The things that plague you are beyond my natural reach
If I could kiss away your bruises I would
My lips cannot reach your past
If I could hug away the pain I would
But you hold onto it like it’s your lifeline
If I could set you on the road to freedom I would
But you hold the key to the shackles keeping you bound
If I could use my words to lift you up I would
But the weight of your burdens is too much for me to carry
But I will be your friend and I will walk with you ’til the end

Sacrificial Love

I was talking to someone and they were saying they believe love is measured in sacrifice, the more you sacrifice the more you love and the more you love the more you will sacrifice. I am not sure that I completely agree with that thought. Sacrifice alone is not enough. If your words and actions don’t align with your sacrifice then you still end up at zero.

Does love spill over from one day to the other? Is love renewed and proven on a daily basis?

When I was married I honestly thought if I said I love you today then you should just assume I still love you tomorrow unless I said something different. I now realize some people need more. There is nothing wrong with showing, saying and sacrificing on a daily basis to confirm your commitment and love to those in your life.

There really is not a greater love than to lay down you life, agenda, pride, fear, guilt, preferences or plans for another.

A little bit of love goes a long way. I little bit of inconsideration goes further. Forgiveness bridges the gap between the two.

Poem by Random Chic (guest poet)

I guess I am feeling the poetry bug tonight. (snap, snap, snap, and snap)

There is freedom in telling you I love you
I refuse to be a prisoner of fear
Shackled by the chains of insecurity
You can’t protect me
Love will not hurt me
What hurts is regret
And desire unfulfilled
Hope unrealized
Dreams not lived
Holding back does not bring satisfaction
It comes when you let what’s natural occur
Loving you is as natural to me as walking and breathing
I was created to love you
If only for a short while

Do you remember?

Do you remember the song that was playing during your first slow dance? This is not mine but I like this song. I will just listen to this as I try to think back to the seventh grade dance. I wore a pink dress with a white lace collar. I went alone because I was too young to date although I did like somebody. I can’t say we really slow danced as much as stood close to each other and moved in sync to the music. Yes I know this song is more appropriate for a wedding but I’m not reflecting on that memory at this moment.
Take it away Randy!

Puzzle

Puzzle pic

I was recently talking to a friend who described the excitement of figuring out a puzzle. I took those words and that excitement and created this poem. Enjoy!

Puzzle
Excitement and anticipation
Something new to explore
Conquer? Not really
Just wanting to experience more
Instincts and wisdom
Not just a game
Dare I open the box?
Take a look inside?
Taking my time
Examining everything
Touch all the pieces
One by one
I’m not in a rush
Piece by piece
Each one is unique
Inch by inch
Creating a new memory
It is almost complete
Adrenaline rush
Built up tension released
Until the next time
The next quest
A new box or old box taken off the shelf
Repeat

Written by Alicia