15 Steps to Slowly and Torturously End a Relationship

My confession for today is I like to read. I read a lot of books and online articles. Every week there is a new article listing 6, 8, 10 or 15 steps to a successful relationship. They all list the same basic concepts like communicate, set aside alone time and keep the intimacy going. With the divorce rate being what it is and people in relationships not following all the wonderful advice readily available then perhaps they don’t want healthy relationships. Maybe they really want to practice a mild form of legal torture. If that’s the case, I’m here to assist you in your quest.

Any and all of these should work to drive a wedge between you and your partner. After doing these things continuously you should be able to end your relationship. Maybe.

1.) Be inconsiderate- show up late from work, miss the family get togethers, forget birthdays and anniversaries, throw your clothes on the floor, spill sticky things and don’t wipe them up. If they like going out to dinner, movies, horse races or traveling don’t do those activities with them. Refuse to watch their favorite TV show with them. If you do decided to participate in their favorite activities, consistently use your mobile devices and act annoyed.

2.) Withhold affection- the human touch brings about a chain of positive chemical reactions. Deny that special person any form of contact especially intimacy.

3.) While you are withholding affection you may as well withhold intimacy. That will definitely teach them a lesson or two. Treat this one like holding your breath, let’s see how long you can go before you pass out.

4.) Cheat- since you are withholding affection and not being intimate you may as well cheat. Don’t make it too obvious and don’t hide it too well. The point of these steps is to slowly end the relationship. When you get caught you have two options, blame or apologize. Blame the other person and tell them it’s their fault if they had just done or not done whatever then you would not have cheated. The other option is to apologize then keep cheating and keep getting caught.

5.) Stop communicating effectively- do not respond to text messages, don’t return phone calls, remain silent at dinner, and give short answers or very long answers, depending on the settings, to questions. Oh, keep telling that same story over and over and over again.

6.) Spend too much money- buy something elaborate with the money that’s being set aside for something else. Want some new golf clubs, spa day, poker night, a trip somewhere? Start marking things off of your bucket list.

7.) Complain then complain some more. No examples required…

8.) When you purchase gifts make sure it’s something they will hate or resent. One lady I know received a big screen TV for Mother’s Day. That doesn’t sound too bad, right? Her husband placed it in his man cave. Besides, she asked for a camera. If the gift is for a female purchase a clothing item that’s two sizes too small. Then, give a blank stare when the complaining starts. For that guy in your life, buy him tickets to something you know he’d hate but his mother or better yet your mother would love then set up the date. You can go to the spa while they are gone.

9.) Never have alone time- make sure you always have company over or pack your schedules with activities. At the end of the long exhausting day, put your pet or your child in the bed with you. This would also be a good time to tell that story again.

10.) Do not keep your word- remember the title of this  promises 15 steps? Well I’m only giving you 10. Feel free to change your mind at the last minute.

11.) I left off one- no, it’s not be inconsistent or flakey it’s don’t show up for court dates and quibble over every detail of the divorce decree. When your partner finally decides they have had enough, make leaving torture.

She called him Pookie

She went on dates with one or two

Yet others she only spoke to on the phone

She referred to them as sweetheart 

Their names escaped her memory

She was only humoring them not really interested

Then she met him, if you want to call it that

They knew each from around the way

Sharing mutual friends and memories of days gone by

He was different 

So, she called him Pookie

Saying the name made her smile

Talking to him made her laugh

He wasn’t just another name to forget

She knew his first, middle and last

She could have referred to him as one of those

But instead, she called him Pookie

It didn’t fit him at all but that didn’t matter

What do you call a strong man?

How do you refer to a man with a heart of gold?

Which word describes a man of integrity?

She couldn’t think of one single word that adequately described him

So, she called him Pookie

 

 

Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes I cry out of frustration
Other times I cry because my heart is hurting
Then there are the times I cry and laugh
Today I cried because it was time to say good-bye
I cry when life gets overwhelming
I often hear people say, “you are strong”
I’m only strong because I allow myself to cry
It’s the external manifestation of my current internal situation
The tears come when the numbers on the  barometer that measures the atmospheric pressure of my soul gets to high
Numerically speaking, when you multiply responsibility by tension then add negative relations
You get frustration
When frustration is divided by demands
It equals life
And life, in terms of numbers, is prime
When you divide it by its self, you only get one
At times I cry because some days, during this 1 life that I live, are filled with sorrow
But I will take this life and not covet any other
Because this life allows me to cry
If water is cleansing and refreshing
Then my tears cleanse my soul and refresh my spirit
Just a while ago, I said farewell to somebody who was dear to me
Today, was a day that I cried

and it was good

In the beginning:

There were long conversations and lots of laughter

and it was good

Guarded shows of affection

and it was good

Compliments abounded

and it was good

Seeds of hope were planted

and it was good

Today was lived and tomorrow was planned

and it was good

Anticipation of time together mixed with sorrow of time a part

and it was good

The question was asked and I dos said

and it was good

Life changed as children were born

and it was good

Living life and facing trials together

and it was good

Working towards the common goals

and it was good

Reminiscing of times past

and it was good

Nearing the end with your friend

and realizing life was good

 

 

 

Happy Valentines Day and Singles Awareness Day (2/15)

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The teenager approached me last week and said, “Valentine’s Day is just not what it used to be.” We always treated Valentines Day like a major holiday. I would decorate the house with hearts and quotes or scripture that depicted love. I bought ballons and decorated the dining room table with flowers for the honey girl and plates, napkins and a centerpiece. Leading up to the day I put love notes in their lunch boxes. But this year we only put the sign on the door. We pulled out the box but I realized that some decorations were missing or in bad shape.

The Fantastic 4 are with their dad this morning. There are no table decorations or balloons. Not yet. I think I will make a last minute run to the store like so many others to make this day special for them and our two friends who are spending the night with us so their parents can have a night out.

This day is hard for a lot of single people or people who thought they had a special person in their lives. This is the day that seperates the main squeeze from the side kick. This is the day people look at their lives and feel bad if they don’t receive flowers, a card, a box of candy, a text message, a tweet or some type of acknowledgement that they are loved. I don’t have words of comfort to offer you. But I will say I have been there.

Happy Valentines Day to all of you. Reach out to someone else and send them a bouquet of virtual flowers or just say “hi, I’m thinking about you.” Make this day and other days about somebody else. If you give it will be given back to you. Call it karma or the Golden Rule. But it works.

Oh my gosh!! If I see another post on Facebook about what a real man will do, I might just scream. Have you seen them? A real man will: change, love you better, not do this or become that. So many women jump on the “what a real man will do” train and give virtual high fives to author of the posts. I question personally whether or not the author’s of the post have ever met a “real man”.

Perhaps I’m hypersensitive because I have three real men in the making in my household. Here is my list of things that will increase the probability of you or your daughter getting a “real man”.

1. Take a spiritual, emotional, physical and mental inventory of yourself. Where are you hurting? What is lacking in your own life? Where does your healing need to occur? What kind of wife, friend or mother of his children will you become?

2. Ask yourself why would you consider being with a man who needs to change? I know everybody has room to change but why would you knowingly enter into a relationship with a man who has a long list of things you think he should change? I can hear you saying, I just want him to stop cheating, drinking, smoking, cursing, hitting me, doing drugs, calling me names, divorce his wife, pray more, dress differently, rub my feet daily, give me money, get or keep a job and start going to church. What’s wrong with that? I can’t say anything is wrong with it on the surface but go back to #1 and ask yourself why are you dating the type of man who doesn’t currently meet your standards and you might find the real change should occur in you. (side note, if you don’t have any standards go back to # 1 and create some when you are done with your inventory)

3. Stop giving ultimatums.Who decided it was a good idea to give ultimatums? Let’s take a quick poll, how many of you stuck to the action you threatened to take if he did not change? How many ultimatums have you given? When are you going to actually leave or stop tolerating the rest of the things that are on your list?

4. Ask yourself, what do I bringing to the table? I mean that literally and figuratively. I have a young male relative who is in his 20’s. A female asked him his name and he asked her if she could fry chicken. I laughed out loud when first heard about that conversation. He refused to give her his name if she couldn’t fry chicken. I know some of you are rolling your eyes and shaking your head but I’m giving him a fist bump because he has requirements and isn’t willing to compromise, give ultimatums or enter a relationship that doesn’t meet his expectations. What are you offering other than your body and the privilege of being in your presence? I am not just taking about material possessions.

5. Are you willing to change? Are you willing to become the person he needs so he will want to come home and love being there? Are you ready to stop complaining, nagging, manipulating and whining? Are you willing to cook, be his friend and not his mother, compliment and encourage him?

6. Be patient. Desperation doesn’t look good on anybody. I know you are ready to find Mr. Right and begin a life with him. He’s looking for you.  Keep doing #1 until he finds you.

My ex and I are doing the very best we can to raise men who will become good husbands. I am sure a woman will come along some day and tell them all the things they need to change. I will be there to tell them, if she can’t accept who you are today she is going to make you miserable tomorrow.

Looking for Mr. Real Man

How to kill a man without serving time

The process starts when he is newly born. Begin early when he depends on you, looks up to you and believes everything you say. Commence the plotting when he is naïve and trusting. You don’t need to rush. Take your time. The plan is not for you to complete the job yourself but to pass the task off when he gets a girlfriend or gets married. It’s her job to finish the deed.
It’s simple, easy, anybody can do this.
Tell him he can’t or better yet, tell he doesn’t have to.
Cater to him to the point where he is lazy and unmotivated.
Tell him he’s not smart enough, fast enough, skilled enough but tell him he’s cute enough.
Show him he’s unworthy.
Support him financially even when he’s an adult.
Encourage him to disrespect authority.
Tell him you don’t need him; after all you can do it by yourself.
Disrespect him with your words, looks, attitude and actions; every now and then do it in front of friends and family.
Keep bringing up his past mistakes.
Don’t let him provide or if he insists, tell him he’s not a good provider.
Make him earn your respect.
Show him you don’t trust him.
Treat him with contempt.
Don’t challenge him to be better or set expectations.
Requirements? Don’t have any.
Treat him like he’s one of your girlfriends or sister instead of your son or man.
Make sure you don’t take interest in anything he does unless it gives you recognition, money or makes you feel good.
Don’t teach him about finances you will take care of him until he gets a wife then she will take care of him with or without his money.
Encourage irresponsibility.
Turn your head when he does something wrong.
Tell him you love him then remind him he will never amount to anything.
Be overbearing.
Tell him what to do every step of the way.
Remind him that he is just like his father, uncle, grandfather or any other man that has been successfully eliminated
Most of all, keep him away from men who are still living. They might try to revive him.
He doesn’t need to know the love of the Father.
Don’t take him to church or take him to a church that will feminize him.
The goal is to kill his spirit.
When you kill his spirit, you kill him.
Premeditated murder…no time served.