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When I grow up I want to drive a…

The other day I was driving on home on the highway and looked over at the person next to me. It was man driving a minivan. I had a funny thought. When he was a little boy and pretending to drive on two wheels around a curve or when he asked for a remote control car, or when he looked at cars on the road and dreamed of sitting behind one of those cars, did he pretend it was a minivan?

When I was married, we had a minivan. I understand the logic. We had four children and two of them are only 15 months a part. It makes sense when you are taking road trips or need to walk to the back of the car to get to a crying baby. We carried double strollers, baseball bags, soccer balls and lots of groceries to feed the Fantastic 4. We needed the space and the convenience.

What that gentleman represented to me was family, sacrifice, love and selflessness.

If you currently drive a minivan, drove a minivan in the past or are contemplating driving one in the future. I salute you. It takes a real man to lay aside his dream car for a practical car in order to make sure his family is safe and comfortable.

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Are you the main squeeze?

I went to a very nice place on Friday with some friends. One side of the place was an upscale restaurant and the other side was an upscale bar. As we walked in, one of the men in the group said, wives to the left, other women to the right. I didn’t catch on to what he said immediately but after he repeated it, I understood. You see, he was saying that husbands bring their wives to this place and take them to dinner in the restaurant section. Now, the bar wasn’t your typical neighborhood bar, it has a cigar room, the waiters and waitresses are dressed nicely, they give you warm towels and a lemon before bringing your food and they provide you with white linen napkins but it’s still to the right.
We laughed about his statement and then of course I knew I had a write a blog about that conversation. Now fellas, I am talking to the ladies. You can continue to read and you can comment but this one is not for you.

Alright ladies, it has happened to all of us at one time or another. You are dating a guy. He treats you the way you want to be treated. You have told your girlfriends about him and you may have even introduced him to friends and family. You consider him your man. Let me tell you how you know he’s not exclusively your man and you are not his main squeeze which means you are not his number one babe.

Does he consistently take you to the bar? I was doing that online dating thing and one guy kept inviting me out on dates to bars. Granted, some of the places were restaurant with bars but we always went to the bar section. After the third or fourth date I told him I like eating at restaurants and did not want to go to another bar. He invited me to one of my favorite restaurants and guess what? We sat at the bar. That was our last date. He received a Dear John text after that.

Are the only relatives you meet counting their last breaths or the ones the family has disowned?
He’s trying to make you feel like you are special but if you don’t meet the healthy relatives and the ones who get invited to family functions, you are not the main boo.

Speaking of family functions, if you have never been invited to one that means you are not the main one. Even if his family lives out of town, planes, trains and automobiles can get you to them. If you mean something to him, he will want to share you with his family.

He doesn’t allow you to come to his house or never invites you in his house. Do you know how much work it takes to remove pictures and feminine touches in a house? If he doesn’t let you in, there is somebody living there. I don’t care what he says, it’s not his sister, mother, aunt or cousin. It’s his honey and he is not allowing you in her house. Have you heard the saying, “Hell has no fury like a woman scorned?” He does not want to make her mad. Instead, he will take you to another bar.

Does he say he is active in his religion but never invites you to worship with him? He may come with you periodically but you have never been with him? No, you are not the girlfriend.

For my college ladies, if you are dating an athlete and he never invites you to see him play or if he is in a fraternity and he avoids you the night of the after party then you are not his college sweetheart.

He has limited availability. If he only calls you from the car, never between certain hours and hardly ever on the weekends it’s because he is with his wife and kids or number one woman which is not you.

If he puts distance between you when you are in public. He makes excuses not to hold your hand in or doesn’t walk beside you because he “just walks fast” then walk faster or face the reality.

I know if you are in the situation it’s hard to face the realities but there is someone out there that will take you to the left side of the restaurant, introduce you to his family and hold your hand in public.

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Hormel Rev Wrap: Fieldgoal


“Hungry is never letting anything stand in the way of your dreams.”
Have you seen this commercial? The first time I saw it I had concerns. I understand motivation. I understand wanting to be the best. I understand marketing techniques. I understand it’s football season and living in the south, I definitely understand the intensity of all things football. What I don’t understand is creating a commercial that shows what appears to be a teenager breaking into a stadium to work on kicking a 68 yard field goal.
“…never let anything stand in the way of your dreams” not even a locked gate or a tall fence or laws against breaking and entering.

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Acceptance

How many times have you been in a situation be it job, home, school or an outing with friends and felt like you were not accepted?
There is a song out by Macklemore and Lewis. The title is Same Love. The song is about accepting gays but this post is about acceptance in general. One part of the song says, “I can’t change even it I tried, even I wanted to…” I have fallen in love with this song because of those 11 words. It’s an acceptance of my reality. It’s an acceptance of who I am and an acceptance of who you are. No, I’m not coming out of the proverbial closet, I am pulling out my soapbox and tapping the microphone. I have something to say.
One day I was sitting around with a group of stay at home mom friends, they were talking about being little girls thinking about what they wanted to do when they grew up. Almost all of them said they wanted to become mommies. When it was my turn to share, I said I wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice with a nanny. When I’m hanging with my core group of friends, they are all business majors, I am a psychology major. We don’t necessarily think the same or approach the a problem the same. I recently moved to a new department at work. I am surrounded by accountants. Again, I am a psychology major. Acceptance.
Is it just me? No it’s not. It’s you too. I’m not inviting people to a pity party. I am inviting you to become more aware of how your beliefs and actions affect those around you. I am asking you to pay attention to others and accept them where they are at this moment in time. How much fun would life be if everybody was the same? I never said we can’t grow or be flexible, I am learning about journal entries. But the core of who I am is who I am. To be perfectly honest, I love me. Acceptance.
My two youngest children attend a charter school. They wear uniforms and this year, the administrators are enforcing vague dress code policies that address hair styles. They are creating an atmosphere of sameness. Their thoughts are the more the children are the same, the fewer the distractions. Fewer distraction equal higher learning and test scores right? Not according to the school’s official records with the state. My thought is give the children an opportunity to be uniquely them. Education is not just academics it’s about the whole person.
If I walked up to you and said step into this box and remain in it for the rest of your life, would you? Okay, the rest of your life is along time, how about for six years? Six months? Would you survive six days? If I gave you some boxes and said your job is to recruit people to live in these boxes, would you? I hope not.
Let me ask you, why do you feel like your religion is better? Why do you spend your time attempting to condemn mine, recruit me into yours or kill me if I don’t convert? Why do you spend your day trying to force people to become your clone? What makes your way the best? Why do you care who somebody else loves? Why do I need to dress like you? What’s wrong with tattoos and non conforming hairdos? Why can’t my daughter wear mismatched socks and my son march to the beat of his own drum? Arrogance? Not acceptance.
One of the first classes I took, when I started my master’s degree journey, was about diversity in the classroom. The book said, we are no longer a melting pot where everybody jumps in, loses their identity, gives up their names, forgets their culture and denies their heritage in order to be the same. We are now or should be progressing toward becoming a salad bowl. Each person is unique and appreciated for what the bring individually. Together, we are no longer an unidentifiable soup but a vibrant, colorful, life giving source. Acceptance.
You see, “I can’t change even it I tried, even I wanted to…”

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More on Love

I use to believe I was created to love you
Now I know I was created to love
Love is not always easy like Sunday morning
Sometimes it’s difficult like Wednesday afternoon
I use to say my love was deeper than the ocean
Now I know it can be as shallow as a pond
I’ve heard that Love is patient and kind
But what about those days when I’m impatient and cruel?
What is that?
Is it possible to love without fear?
Is it possible to love without tears?
Sacrificial love, love that never fails, love that builds
Who is the man or woman of steel?
My love is given freely
But I still own the copyright
I’m really just sharing
Not really giving
I’ll take it back when I feel like it
It comes with disclaimers
Surrounded by warnings
It’s all that you ever wanted but didn’t know
My love is unending until the end
You will know its the end because love will have moved on
You see, love don’t live here anymore
Sorry to break the news to you
It packed up and moved when you left
It had moved in for you
And now it moved because of you
No, love don’t live here anymore
Just remnants remain along with memories and distant stares
Love walked out when you moved on
But so did fear
Love will return someday because it’s faithful
It just won’t have your name on it

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The Day I Became a Stalker

Let me start out by saying it was unintentional. I would never stalk anybody. Gas is to high and my time is too precious to stalk people intentionally. Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you what happened from my point of view.

It started out as an ordinary spring day. I was excited to attend a Lunch and Learn with a professional organization for which I have a membership. I left work a little early to ensure I would arrive on time. The area I was going to was plagued with construction and traffic. I arrive about 20 minutes early, parked and decided to read a chapter from one of my classes. in case you forgot, I am in graduate school. I noticed a lady in the car next to me and based upon how she was dressed, I ascertained that she was a professional and there was a good chance we were going to the same place.
I decided to allow her to become my time clock. I would get out of the car when she did and walk towards the building as well. It was a new place for me and I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going. She got out of her car and then I got out of my car. I walked in the same direction as she.
Then something happened. She started looking over her shoulder. She walked a little faster. In retrospect I could have asked if she was attending the same meeting. But we were in a business plaza, I was wearing business attire and I would never have thought of me as a stalker. Back to the story. She did the thing we as women are taught. Never enter a stairwell or elevator with a stranger. She made a quick turn once we entered the building. I noticed her body language as I was walking toward the building and had already slowed my pace. I would hate to get tasered or maced on accident or out of fear.
She walked into the meeting room a few minutes after I did and had a look of surprise on her face. I now understand how men must feel when they are accused without words of stalking women or creating fear. I am not saying don’t be aware but I am saying be aware. Take a good assessment of your surroundings and by all means if you are uncomfortable do what is necessary to protect yourself. Even from a well dressed business woman headed into a meeting.

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The Crutch

Lean on me til you can walk on your own
I am a temporary solution to a broken situation
Depend on me cause I am here
I will hold you up until you can stand by yourself
Let me help you
Cause it’s what I do
I will remind you that you are weak
And without me you may fall
I am your crutch
I am the thing you despise
I am the thing you need
I am a constant reminder that you are imperfect
When you heal let me go
Keep me in a closet
You never know when you will need me again
I am not your walking stick
That’s seems permanent
I am a here for now not the long run
I can never be your friend
You can trust me but my goal is to leave you one day
I am your crutch
I am meant to become a part of your past
Don’t idolize me
Don’t immortalize me
Don’t pretend I am anything more than your crutch
Lean on me
Only because you are not strong
But the thing about being a crutch is that I can’t stand alone
I need you to give me value and worth
Without you or someone like you, I am useless
I am a constant reminder of what was
I am a useless tool when you are healed
I can only hope to find another to need me
I am a crutch