I attended a meeting for an organization I recently joined. The speaker of the evening was providing insight on how to develop your network (networth) The presenter, Debbie, made some very compelling points. One of those was about the people in your network. Those are people you come into contact with that you are able to influence or that are able to influence you. She had the attendees to fill out a list of people in our lives and put them into two categories, brown or green. Brown represents negative, non-life giving, stagnant, Debbie downer type of people. Green represents life giving, positive, hopeful, moving forward type of people. Then she went on to challenge us to have more green people in our lives and to determine whether or not the brown people could become green or if they are forever browns. If there are forever browns they needed to get weeded out of our lives. (I’m summarizing not quoting) I’m glad to say I have more green in my life than brown.
Give it a try. Write down the names of your friends, colleagues and close acquaintances and categorize them as either brown or green. Well, the process should start with you. Are you brown or green? We don’t want to make any assumptions. Then categorize your circle of influence. We all have a bad day and bad things that happen to us. But do you or the people in your life live in the land of sad, angry, pitiful, spiteful, hurting and whoa is me? If you live there, it’s time to move. If you are visiting, you’ve probably worn out your welcome and need to go back to your happy place.
She did not say abandon your brown list. But take some time to determine whether or not you can help them develop some green. From me to you, don’t allow them to pull you into the dark side. If you are not already fully functioning as a green person, avoid the browns until you are in a better place. A pity party is not the social event of the year. It’s more like quicksand. (side note, where does one find quicksand other than movies?)
Time to go forth and cultivate some positive relationships.
Category Archives: self help
How to become a certified slacker
If you follow these steps you will be well on your way to becoming a certified slacker. First let’s define slacker. According to me, a slacker is a person who doesn’t get much done during the day but no one seems to notice.
I am offering steps to get you towards the certification, not the certification itself. As a true slacker you don’t want everybody to know so you would not leave a trail such as a certification to give proof to those that may suspect your status.
1.) Attend as many meetings as you can, take down lots of “notes” and look extremely engaged and interested in the topic
2.) Show up for work on time and stay late sometimes. During actual work hours surf the net, pay your bills online, update your blog and any other internet related activity that requires typing and intensely looking at your screen.
3.) Get a screen protector or arrange your desk in such a way that passerbyers (I know it’s a questionable word) can’t see your screen.
4.) If you are high enough on the flow chart to have an office, close your door and come out every hour looking frustrated and sighing loudly. Of course what you are actually doing is surfing the net, texting and talking on the phone.
5.) Go to work early, schedule a meeting with a friend you are in cahoots with, (go to the movies, grocery shopping, take a nap or just hang with that friend) then come back to work and stay late.
6.) Always be available for questions. This passes the time and you appear helpful as well as engaged.
7.) Walk around your office talking to people. Don’t spend too much time with one person or else people will complain that you are keeping others from being productive.
8.) Don’t volunteer for any projects unless you are the coordinator then delegate, delegate, delegate.
9.) Don’t take the credit for other people’s ideas. This makes people angry. The goal here is to be stay on everybody’s good side. You want to have lots of allies not enemies.
10.) Always look busy!
The cowardly lion
I am not sure who to give credit to for the picture. From the Wizard of Oz.
I hope at some point in time you have seen the Wizard of Oz. If not, please add it to your list of movies to see. My focus is on the cowardly lion. We know is nature, the lion represents the king of beasts. He is supposed to be the big man on campus. He gets the big piece of chicken. He gets the honor at the head of the table because of his courage and willingness to sacrifice his life for his pride. At any point during the day, he could run into another lion who wants to challenge him and take over his pride. His job is take on the challenge and win. The lion has a sense of duty, honor and country (pride) that seems to be missing today in some.
I have a friend who graduated from West Point many moons ago. I had the privilege of attending the ceremony. I remember seeing the words Duty, Honor, Country and they were forever engrained in my memory. At West Point they are holding to a tradition that used to be common in our households.
Photo credit: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire
Duty- expected by moral or legal obligation, action or task required by a person’s position, an act or expression of respect
Honor- honesty, fairness or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions
Country (pride or family)- state, nation, land of one’s birth (taking creative liberty- the people you have promised to love, honor and respect or who you should feel an obligation towards due to their status in your life)
Back to the Wizard of Oz, the cowardly lion was going to see the wizard because he lacked courage. He doesn’t stand up when he’s afraid, he cowers and hides. We all have time in our lives when we want to run and hide. But, I am saying to you don’t give in to the fear, especially when it comes to your country (pride or family and your really good friends). Face the situation head on, dig deep within you and give out the biggest roar you can muster. If that doesn’t work, let the battle ensue. But, it’s better to stand for and represent duty, honor and country than to cower and run. The battle doesn’t have to be a physical battle. It may be a mental, verbal or prayerful battle. The battle is not always against someONE it could be someTHING.
(Spoiler alert!)As they discovered at the end of the journey to Oz, it was always there. He always had courage, he just didn’t recognize it in himself. Recognize the courage in yourself. Be ready to take a stand when it’s required. Other wise, enjoy the big piece of chicken you earned because you are proven and willing.
A blue funk gone wrong (Guest Poet)
Before I head out for some fun with my friend B I thought I would leave you with a poem from one of my friends. It’s a little dark but it sheds light to the inner thoughts and feelings of one person. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you had a minute, hour, day or week like this. Don’t let the funk settle in though. Keep on keeping on.
I’m being coxed to the edge of my sanity
By this deep blue funk of funks
It’s deeper that deep
A blue so dark it looks black
I’m being pushed by reality
Shoved by expectations
Taunted by the voices of doubt
I want to free fall into the deep
Plunging to the depths of despair
Drown in my sorrows
Throw me a life line
Before I sink into the depths of darkness
How to become a successful procrastinator
As a budding procrastinator you are reading all the books, articles and blogs you can get your hands on to keep from doing whatever you are slated to do at the moment. I am offering tips on how to procrastinate successfully. If you follow these 5 simple steps you will become and remain a successful procrastinator. I would offer a money back guarantee but chances are you never got around to making a payment anyway. BTW, I reserve the right to add more tips or less tips depending on whether or not I get distracted and start doing something else or if I want to continue avoiding what I am supposed to do right now.
1.) Always put off today’s tasks until tomorrow or another day.
2.) Don’t write anything down. Rely heavily on your memory.
3.) Spend all of your free time on your blog, Facebook, pintrest or watching television.
4.) Buy lots of home improvement items and leave them propped against a wall.
5.) Read everything except the one thing you are supposed to read.
6.) Text your friends and family telling them all the things you are supposed to accomplish but don’t have time.
7.) Wait until the next holiday or event to start you new project, goal or life change.
If you need support we have a group meeting that occurs every Thursday night at the local library. There are lots of distractions there, it is heaven for a true procrastinator. You always thought all those people were there reading and researching something when in all actuality they are procrastinators successfully avoiding something. Nobody will look for you there, make it your place of refuge from the tasks and duties waiting for you.
Sacrificial Love
I was talking to someone and they were saying they believe love is measured in sacrifice, the more you sacrifice the more you love and the more you love the more you will sacrifice. I am not sure that I completely agree with that thought. Sacrifice alone is not enough. If your words and actions don’t align with your sacrifice then you still end up at zero.
Does love spill over from one day to the other? Is love renewed and proven on a daily basis?
When I was married I honestly thought if I said I love you today then you should just assume I still love you tomorrow unless I said something different. I now realize some people need more. There is nothing wrong with showing, saying and sacrificing on a daily basis to confirm your commitment and love to those in your life.
There really is not a greater love than to lay down you life, agenda, pride, fear, guilt, preferences or plans for another.
A little bit of love goes a long way. I little bit of inconsideration goes further. Forgiveness bridges the gap between the two.
What is your value?
I’m sure you have heard the quote, “if a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Wikipedia has lots of information about the saying if you are interested in the original intent but for the rest of you, keep reading.
As I think about this quote, I can’t help but to wonder, if you are skilled, talented, loving, smart, strong, respectable, artistic, etc. and nobody recognizes them, do those qualities still exist in you? Do our gifts and talents require acknowledgement before they are considered authentic?
We all know the tree does make a sound. But if there isn’t somebody there to hear the tree and verify it made a sound then I guess you could argue there isn’t any proof there was a sound.
Along those same lines, it seems we were created with a need to have affirmations and confirmations. It’s all together possible that we could have been created self-reliant. Sometimes we try to pretend we don’t need a touch or kind word but we do need those words and those actions. Some training classes I have attended in the past had the students write down words of affirmation. The instructor would encourage us to write the words on a note card and tape them to our mirror. Saying those phrases out loud each morning was deemed the next step towards success in the workplace or personally.
In the movie The Help, I am touched every time the maid says to the daughter of her employer, “you is kind, you is smart, you is important.” The maid was trying to counteract the actions or rather inactions of the child’s mother. She understood human value and the potential impact on the child if she didn’t tell her those words.
If you haven’t heard it lately, I am declaring with all honesty and sincerity, you are smarter that you give yourself credit. You are creative. You have everything inside of you today to become the person you want to become tomorrow. You are worthy of love, honor and respect.
All That Chatter 